After the unsuccessful Internet dating attempts I decided that a new approach was required. After careful consideration I chose to join a cycling club. Physical activity should attract healthy and energetic people! I searched high and low for the right club for me. It had to be soft core. No weeklong treks up and down mountains with a tent and sleeping bag…not yet anyway.
Finally, I found one that seemed open to cyclists of all levels. I emailed and phoned to make sure it was possible to join this late in the season. They were very reassuring: at each outing they always have a faster group and a slower one. The itineraries are not very long as they start after supper. They had one coming up, and I could join the group as a guest free of charge for the first time. I also inquired about proper attire, wondering if these people wore cycling gear or the more relaxed shorts and T-shirts. I was told most of the members wear cycling shorts AND tops…
This left me perplexed…I wanted to fit in, and figured there must be a reason for specific clothing…so I went shopping. What an experience!
Cycling shorts come in various lengths but they are all tight fitting and heavily padded. Pulling them up feels like trying to pull up a girdle. Once they are all the way up your legs look like 2 oversized sausages that are overflowing out of their casing. Having them on feels like wearing a diaper or an oversize sanitary napkin,.. The padding is stiff and feels hot. I tried them all: from the short shorts through the mid thigh to the mid calf ones…none felt or looked good. I ended up buying a pair of cycling shorts in disguise, (like pigs in the blanket or sausage in a roll), they look like regular shorts with the cycling girdle as an under layer.
Next I needed a top. All the tops were small, even the extra large. All to better “wick away the moisture” said the label…I would rather deal with my own perspiration than have what little boobs I have squished inside some synthetic straight jacket! After a lot of hesitation, I bought a top in the men’s department; at least the shoulders are a bit wider. It is bright yellow…don’t ask!!! That’s all they had! I have yet to understand why the bottom is uneven and why they have 3 pockets on the back. All bicycles have water bottle holder and satchels….oh well… I could not see myself going thought my back pockets while careening down a hill anyway so they would serve as decoration…
While I was in the sports store I also got myself one of those red blinking lights for nighttime rides…better be safe than sorry. Installing it was a challenge. Why are there so many sizes and shapes of screwdrivers? But I managed…and was left with only one unused washer at the end…
I had gone to the hairdresser in the morning and had asked for a do that would still look good under a helmet…I had dusted off said helmet, shaved my legs, packed cycling gloves, a bottle of frozen water, my wallet, a wet cloth in a plastic bag to freshen up, a lip gloss and hair brush for “after” the ride…in case… I was READY!
Try as I may I could not install the bicycle rack on the car. So I had to shove my bike in the trunk. I got grease and dirt all over my new yellow top…last minute change to an old gym top.
I was finally on my way! I had left early in case of traffic…so I was the first one there. I waited nervously for fellow riders. The first person to show up on a bike was a woman. I walked up to her and asked her is she was with the cycling club. She turned around, bent forward sticking out her yellow clad butt with the name on the club in bold black letters across aforementioned behind. I was in the right place!
As people started arriving, I introduced myself to everyone, with a smile and a firm handshake (after all we were among athletes!). A lot of people had special pedals and shoes…and various pieces of sophisticated equipment…I was feeling a bit amateurish…but still full of goodwill and enthusiasm.
Finally the groups started moving. I placed myself at the end of the slowest group, not wanting to slow anyone down. But there had to be someone behind me to close the ride. It was a flat road, no big challenge, yet I had trouble adjusting my gears…I was either straining or pedaling too fast…all the while slowly loosing ground…it was not very long before the man behind me pulled up besides me and asked me if I had been in a club before…. I got the message…. excused myself, took a cross street and doubled back to the parking lot…I packed my wounded pride with my bike back in the car and went home…so much for that attempt!